The Twenties
On July 5, 2010, one year after meeting Sarah Stefanson, a writer, editor and singer from Saskatoon, I wrote this: http://tylerkalmakoff.com/2010/07/05/sarahs-day/. I wrote that I was lucky to meet her during a time in her life when she did not need me. I also wrote that I thought if I could find a girl as fine as Sarah Stefanson I was sure I could discover an even better one elsewhere and that I did not know the terrible odds that were against me. I had the knowledge before I met her that the best girls oftentimes go unchosen. In her case, this had nothing to do with relationship interest—guys were lining up—but had everything to do with professional interest. She is far beyond any talent I have ever come across and is well beyond the point of deserving a monumental break in her career as a writer and editor. The Twenties is a collection of poetry by Ms. Stefanson, with pieces selected from an overwhelming pile that were written over the course of thirteen years, taking her right through her twenties. She is now thirty-one. Here are a handful of those poems.
The Words
The words filled up the spaces between our bodies,
typewritten sentences with indecent punctuation.
The places where my mouth met your skin
read like the pages of a well-thumbed paperback,
the kind you keep around to be reread for old time’s sake.
You were new to me,
but we fit together
like we’d been there before.
I’ll write to you
to preserve a connection I never expected.
It’s the words that will hold you to me
over distances and time.
Final
When I pulled my arms from around you for the final time
I noticed a tiny burn mark on the back of my left hand,
a small spot of shine like a drop of glue below my second knuckle.
I had no idea how it got there
and no memory of placing my skin against something hot enough
to leave a scar.
Of all the things I failed to notice while you were around
this seemed an odd one to come into clear focus
as you walked to your car, packed full with your possessions,
and drove away from this city
and from me.
You said you meant to make me smile, not cry,
but seeing you ready to go
might’ve made it harder
to have you gone.
a good cry
my movie star tears
are no match for
your sideways smile.
Love Story
To wake up on a bright Sunday morning
and find old-fashioned poetry
waiting for you
written by your lover,
passed over the miles between you,
feels like the kind of great love story
they don’t write anymore.
Fit
You fit inside me like you were built for me
Chiseled from stone, carved from wood
Given life and warmth
and communion with my cunt.
Killing You
I realize your loyalties are shattered,
pieces of your longing pointing every which way
yearning for a kind reflection,
while I’ve disguised my allegiances,
swept them under a canopy bed with too many pillows,
all of them filled with down.
*
Hurt is a feature of our connection.
It’s how we bond, what we write,
The thing we try to banish by pressing our bodies together.
It’s natural that eventually
we’d hurt each other.
*
I didn’t mean to push those shining splinters
into the thin skin at your wrists,
but no matter my intentions
it would be stupid of you to turn to me for nursing.
I understand that. I do.
*
But I will brush my lips over your scars,
whisper regrets into your wounds.
At first you might mistake it for conscience
but when it carries on,
when it doesn’t stop, even when you expect it to,
you’ll start to accept it
as love.
Fight
You say you’d let me go
The minute my love leaned away from you.
You wouldn’t put up a fuss.
You’d give up your best friend
To avoid the ache of losing me
To someone else.
*
I can’t say the same.
*
I would fight for you.
I’d amend my demonstrations
Until you realized that I am the best
At loving you.
*
If you were no longer certain of my place
I’d show you where I belong
Using words, fingers, moisture, my wanting mouth.
*
There’s no way I’d give you up
Without a fight.
What I Should’ve Said
Yes, I had a life before you
I had relationships
I had lovers
*
I wrote them poems
and dirty emails
*
You probably wouldn’t like them
if you read them
but that would be natural
and nothing to worry about.
